Elle's Journal

A month of firsts...

2010-02-21T01:35:00.000-08:00

This past month has been so huge and it isn't even over yet. I got my first job, my first bank account, my first pay slip, my license, drove on my own for the first time, bought alcohol for the first time, got asked for ID for the first time, tomorrow I'm driving to work and having to find a park for the first time.....etc. I just need a nice long sleep.

My birthday yesterday was so special. I loved having my friends and Rhys there, it was truly so much fun. AND..... I GOT A TYPEWRITER!!!! A BRIGHT YELLOW ONE!!!! I'm so happy! Now all I need is beautiful new shoes, like the gorgeous ones in the photo *sigh*

Today I had to say goodbye to Rhys. And like the pathetic child I am I bawled my eyes out in front of everyone. So gross. But necessary. After that I went to Night Church and now I feel a lot better, I'm not even sure when I started to feel happy instead of miserable, but I really am thanking God for helping me. I feel as though I can live without Rhys for a while now, because of God. I still miss him but its bearable now.

God also helped me in my driving test. I wasn't nervous at all as soon as I started driving. I am truly blessed.

And happy birthday for yesterday also to Danica from A Sight To Be Seen. I hope your day was as lovely as mine.

Fears.

2010-02-17T03:57:00.000-08:00

I am scared that you'll die before me and I'll be left alone to daydream that you didn't die and are just out to buy some bread only to discover the truth and cry myself to sleep each night.

I got a second job and have been too tired to think. Life is getting crazy. There are a lot of things I could do without. Like distance. And driving tests. Hope you are all lovely x.

Slipping Away

2010-02-04T02:08:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of posts, life has all of a sudden taken off and left me in a cloud of tiredness and confusion. I have been editing, filming, photographing, chucking tantrums at the computer, driving to town, applying for jobs, ringing other people about jobs, so on..... but still, that is no excuse :)

I love my blog and my beautiful readers so I am going to make time for blogging from now on. Lately I have been thinking a lot about love and God and where He and I are both at together. I am convinced that God is removing the people and things in my life that I used to turn to in order to feel loved. They are slowly slipping away from me, hence the pit of loneliness I was a few days back. But thanks to the lovely comments, a song, and some soul searching I have realised maybe it is ok. It is ok to be vulnerable and feel alone. It is ok to have nothing. Only then can God be my everything.

And besides all the deep and meaningful things that have been going on in my life lately... I was praying with my little sister one night before bed and at the end of prayer I say "we love you..." and she says "God", "we love you...", "Jesus", "and we love you...", "Holy Spirit". Only this time I listened to what she said and realised she had been saying "Holy Ferret" this whole time :)

You Won't Relent

2010-02-01T01:19:00.000-08:00

You won't relent until you, have it all

My heart is Yours

I'll set you as a seal, upon my heart

As a seal upon my arm

For there is love, that is as strong as death

Jealousy demanding as the grave

And many waters, cannot quench this love

Come be the fire inside of me

Come be the flame upon my heart

Come be the fire inside of me

Until You and I are one

I don't want to talk about You

Like You're not in the room

I want to look right at You

I want to sing right to You

Confessions...

2010-01-31T00:44:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I've been trying to pull my life together and failing quit miserably. This post may be a little depressive so feel free to skip to the pretty pictures from weheartit.

So firstly, I've decided to stop the "everyday for a year" thing. Maybe another year I shall do it but this year it's just not working. I feel I'm putting off blogging because I haven't drawn or photographed anything and then I miss out on writing my thoughts and what is bothering me on here and end up bottling it all up in a confused mess inside of me.

Secondly, I'm tragically lonely. I have never felt this completely alone in my life. My best friend moved away. My other friends have left or are out of contact with me. People who I thought I could count on this year, who I thought were friends seem less like friends each passing second. I went to Youth Group two nights ago and I spoke to more people than I have ever spoken to before. I am a strangely shy person but I decided that it simply would not do to sit alone and mope so I walked around talking to various people, and in the end...I went home and cried from loneliness.

Thirdly, if it is not too much to ask, can you please pray for me? I have been reading C. S. Lewis and have discovered I am protecting the temporal things in my life, worldly baggage to which I am too attached to willingly let go. And this protecting, this attachment, is causing me to hide from God, dabble in Him here and there, but not dive headfirst into Him. I fear He will ask me to let go of all this stuff, to do something I don't want to.

I think that right now, God wants me to be lonely so I can lean on Him. If that makes sense...

I'm just scared. And procrastinating in hopes that another option will appear.

Apples

2010-01-25T02:32:00.000-08:00

Right now, in this moment, I am obsessed with apples. I have no idea why but I do know I did not have this obsession a few minutes ago. Strange, very strange...

Today I went to Sydney and saw my very handsome boyfriend for the first time in almost a month. I nearly did not recognise him and completely freaked out when he turned around after I tapped him on the shoulder. I thought I had the wrong person for a second. But I didn't hehe :) We had lunch and shopped and I got a beautiful little filofax.....wait, it actually has pictures of apples on the inside....AHHHH!!!! That would be what sparked this obsession I'm thinking....

Anyway, now I am home again, and have found some pretty pictures of apples to share with all my lovely readers, courtesy of weheartit. Hope you had as nicer day as I.

Sweet dreams xx.

6. Looking back

2010-01-22T23:43:00.003-08:00

Today I reread one of my old journals, reminiscing the past year, laughing at memories provoked from the pages... sitting on the large green lounge with my best friend, creating the perfect superhero, laughing, oblivious to the treasure the moment would become... lunchtimes spent in the art room, painting pictures of my classmates, realising I didn't pay attention to hair colour and style... sitting in my room, drawing from a polaroid, a moment captured on a bus to an art gallery. My memories, trapped within the covers, alive again.

5. The old man is snoring...

2010-01-22T23:26:00.009-08:00

Rain. The smell. The sound. The feel. The air once it is gone. I love waking to the soft sound of rain on the roof, wondering if you are hearing right, leaning over to the curtains and peeking through them, falling back asleep to the sound of it's lullaby. I love the memory of my city friend, wondering aloud at what the beautiful smell was, amazement at the answer. Evenings sitting on the front verandah with my family, watching the rain fall, running in the puddles.

4. Drawing

2010-01-22T23:14:00.000-08:00

I'm back everyone. Thanks for your lovely comments. I was wonderfully surprised when I returned and found that people do read my blog. So thank you all.

I know I started an "everyday thing" and then didn't post for two weeks however I did create something that represents a thing I love everyday whilst I was away and I shall slowly post them all over the next couple of days. Here is the first of many...

I love to draw. Even in my earliest memories I loved to draw. It has always been part of my life and it always shall be. My Dad tells me that if there is ever anything I should keep continuing to do it is to draw, to play piano and to speak Spanish. Drawing is my escape from reality.

3. Dear Diary

2010-01-09T02:44:00.000-08:00

I love my journal. I draw, write, collage, schedule, everything in it. It's my place to kick back and relax. I feel free within it's pages.

I'm leaving early tomorrow morning so next time I post I shall be at the coast, enjoying the warm sand and the smell of salt water. Enjoy your day.

Beauty

2010-01-08T21:59:00.001-08:00

I just stumbled across a lost folder in my computer. How beautiful are these? Sorry I can't tell you where they are from, maybe you could help??"The happiest heart that ever beat was in some quiet breast that found the common daylight sweet, and left to Heaven the rest." -John V. Cheney

2. The Circus

2010-01-08T02:45:00.000-08:00

When I was little I was one of those kids who wanted to run away and join the circus. I would dance around the backyard making up acrobatic routines, pretending I was the one who could tame lions and imagining the two balls I taught myself to juggle were tongues of multi-coloured fire. I dreamt of the atmosphere, the smells of popcorn and fairy floss, the sounds of laughter and corny ringmaster music, fairy lights strung up against the smoky night air.

I bought my own clown puppet at a show when I was six. It is the first thing I can ever remember buying. I loved it for the blue spot it had in the middle of it's face that just didn't seem to belong.

Hope you all have a whimsical day.

Oh and this is a terrible time to start an 'every day' type of thing as I'm about to leave for two weeks at the coast. And who knows how often I shall get up the energy to walk to the internet cafe. So my apologies for already breaking the rules. Should've all put bets on it. Hope to post something again soon.

1. A Fresh Start

2010-01-07T20:29:00.001-08:00

So my "new start" for the new year has come slightly late this year, but still, it did come! I was about to worry a little. I have decided to, unoriginally, post a photo or drawing or painting (or something that I have actually produced myself) of something I love in life everyday (or close to it).

I guess sometimes we take for granted the little things that make us happy in life. Eventually we get so overwhelmed we don't even see those delights anymore and instead believe life has changed and everything is now different and undesirable. I was, still am slightly, like that. But today I saw my little sister running through water, screaming as a water bomb hit her bare legs, her hair stuck to her neck with water, grass clinging to her pink spotty swimmers, mud on her cheek, and a beautiful smile spilling laughter into the air around her screams.

And I was happy. Even if it was only for a moment, it was enough.

I want to capture that this year.

Happiness and love.

I got a text tonight.

2010-01-07T02:25:00.000-08:00

I've changed. I'm just not as positive as I used to be. I'm still loved, it's just... different.

I really don't like this. I really can't handle this right now.

Loneliness

2010-01-06T20:50:00.000-08:00

Yes, still very lonely. Been looking on weheartit for drawings. This captures my mood right now. It is if he wishes to sit beside that one person who makes him smile, only the ink runs out, and he is left with just a memory. Hauntingly beautiful, don't you think?

The Rainbow Fish

2010-01-06T20:20:00.013-08:00

Ahh, I remember that book. It was one of my childhood favourites. I used to wish for my own rainbow fish and finally I HAVE ONE!!! ... sort of.

This is Shark, and he's not rainbow, but he is my second favourite blue in the world which is pretty special. Isn't he just gorgeous?! Everyone started putting bets on how long he would survive in my room and I must say, I've surprised them all as he enters his third week of life. He is a tough little thing. His instruction sheet evens says it's good to forget to feed him every now and then which is perfect for me as I'm rather forgetful. Unfortunately when the water turns green I do have to clean it but my brother helps take Shark out of the bowl and put him back in which is fantastic...(I'm still not that comfortable with my tiny, squishy, jumpy pet)

Ahhh, my replacement best friend....Have a nice day everyone.

Still stuck.

2010-01-05T20:51:00.000-08:00

Nothing has changed. I have had no blinding revelations about what to do. All I've had is a bowl of custard and a sore throat.

I cleaned Shark's water and ruined a series I was reading by reading the last chapter of the last book (Silly me, I shall never learn) and now I am trying to finish the name plaques for my two sisters door.

I decided when I'm worried I tend to bite my mouth a lot which really sucks as now it is painful to eat chocolate. Oh what a cruel cruel world...

Drained

2010-01-04T23:09:00.000-08:00

Well, this is my first post of 2010. Which is really weird. I'm not sure if I want it to be 2010. Everything is going to change this year, or already has. I'm not against change, it's just that I know I won't like some of the change. Like I won't like that my best friend is so far away from me. Or that half of my friends are moving away to work or to go to uni. Or that other friends now have other people in their lives and don't have as much room for me.

Life has become a chore. I feel so stuck. I don't know if this is where I want to be however I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to chose another path and everything that it will bring.

If anything I feel lonely. So very lonely.

This weekend was amazing. I spent it with Rhys and 3 of my close friends. We laughed and stayed up all night and went shopping, watched movies, threw a party...I want this happiness all the time. Not just on "holidays".

I guess I'm just drained. I should catch up on sleep. Think everything over. I have some decisions to make.

I'm back!!!

2009-12-28T18:03:00.000-08:00

So I've been back for quite some time now but just haven't gotten around to blogging. Slack I know, but I've just lacked motivation lately. Going through a little bit of a down time in life,which is frustrating me because I love being happy and silly and enthusiastic and all of that. I blame my boyfriend as he moved 300 km away from me. Meanie. (I do still love him lots and he should know I'm only joking).

So here is just a brief overview of my uninteresting life these last few weeks...

I went to New Zealand. It was so much fun. But that should need another post. Here are a few photos anyway...

I got my ATAR. Yay! Which made me happy.
I found out I didn't get into Artexpress. Which made me cry.
I applied for a billion jobs and didn't here anything from anyone. Which also made me cry.
Christmas was pretty fun. I got a fish named Shark, which I shall need to photograph, and the Scrubs boxset and a Wii.
And I'm going to Sydney this weekend for my boyfriends 18th.

Ta daa. A month and a bit of my life, in 6 dot points. I feel like some more chocolate. I am eating too much chocolate lately.

It feels good to be back.

Here is a pretty picture to celebrate feeling good, from this amazing blog...

15 more minutes until tomorrow...

2009-11-21T04:40:00.000-08:00

So, in 15 minutes comes the day that I leave Australia for the very first time. In a plane. To a place so incredibly far away. Even though most people would say it's close. It's not. I have to go on a plane, flying super fast, for three whole hours to get there.

Yes, New Zealand!!! It's so close. Only a little bit of sleep, last minute packing, finish an advertising assignment thingo I remembered I had just tonight (oops), a car trip, a sad farewell, and BOOM!!! Airport! Totally scared but not so much as I could have been because my parents shall be there.

Here is me, flying to a land far far away.....
And here is a picture I just found that reminded me of my very most favourite thing to do about three years ago. Curl paper up and make pretty shapes out of it!!! Mine weren't quite so intricate as these but I had so much fun making them. And this just inspired me to start thinking about starting into again....in all my spare time.
Last thing before I go to bed, someone has commissioned me to create artworks for them! Wow! Anyone else want to join the queue for my time and talent now that I'm practially world renowned?!?!

Ha, I wish!

Sweet dreams everyone.

Wow. Wow wow wow.

2009-11-19T22:38:00.000-08:00

Today is like, nearly officially one of the happiest days of my life. No, I didn't get engaged, or married, or have a child, or win the lottery. I'm far to young for three of those things. Everyone knows that only old people win lottery. Ha ha, just joking, young people win it too. So I'm old enough for that, in three months, close enough. (Dad if you're reading this, no, I am not pregnant.)

But anyways, I GOT NOMINATED FOR ARTEXPRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For those of you who don't know what that is, just be excited anyway, because it's very exciting. Or google it, and know what you're excited about. My work, a couple of posts ago, The Fragility Of Innocence, got nominated!!! Not chosen yet, but still, one step closer to being chosen!

I shall keep you posted.

Here is a celebratory pretty picture....

Life

2009-11-19T14:57:00.000-08:00

So I haven't posted anything for a little while. It's not like I've been busy, because really, I haven't. It's more because nothing is happening. School is over forever, I can't start looking for a job until I get back from New Zealand and there is nothing else to do. So I've been watching rerun after rerun of America's Next Top Model (I think I'm addicted) and eating far far too many musk sticks.

Yesterday I actually went outside so that is a good thing. I went to the movies with the boys and saw New Moon, yes, the Twilight movie. I enjoyed it but it wasn't fantastic, I knew what was coming which I think ruined it.

I made Rhys angry by saying "Oooooooooh" when Jacob took his shirt off. I got evicted from my lovely boyfriends shoulder and the armrest barrier got pulled down. But then I won him back by saying "ewwwwick" when Edward took his shirt off. I've since heard that Robert Pattinson is very self-conscious so if you're reading this Robert, it's not that bad and I'm very sorry for saying that.

Last night I found this amazing artist Carl Kleiner. Here is one of his beautiful photos, how pretty?!

And here are some more pictures for everyone to skip to, because pictures are much more interesting than my rather uninteresting life at the moment.

Hope everyone is having a nice day!!

Update

2009-11-13T02:52:00.000-08:00

My grad is tomorrow. Rhys is home. I need sleep. Shopping makes your legs hurt. Tonight was Grease night at youth group. I made the worlds largest Sundae. I'm going to go get some beauty sleep. Here are some pretty pictures to inspire your dreams tonight...

Oh wow!

2009-11-09T19:22:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I only just stumbled across this site. It is called Poladroid and for the unfortunate people like me who are unable to find someone to buy them a polaroid camera and a massive stash of film, IT CREATES POLAROIDS FOR YOU!!! Fake, I know, but still, POLAROIDS!!!

Ahhhhhh, so preeettttyyyyyy.

A charming look for me, I know ;)

I do really wish to live in this house, it would be my dream come true.

I believe there is something wrong when a man straightens his hair more than I do.

My beautiful best friend and I looking so happy that we have finished school!!

Couldn't resist putting this one in.

Have fun trying it out, you even get to shake the photos to help them develop!!! It's so amazing!!!

Hair update.

2009-11-08T22:23:00.000-08:00

Well Dad said my hair looked "different, but a nice different" after he said "well they ruined it didn't they?". My head hurts. All I know is that I dislike it rather massively, I am terrified of what Rhys will say when he sees it and I am dreading Saturday and the embarrassment it shall bring with it. Oh, life is fun today!

I found these journal pages by this person, I think they are beautiful. I need to buy a new journal.

Oh no.

2009-11-08T14:52:00.000-08:00

Here is a tragic tale of an insecure girl who just decided to become a hermit and stay away from all other civilisation for a couple of months. This morning I got my haircut, because my grad is in 5 sleeps. Complete disaster. So shocking I am not even going to put up photos for fear of scaring away what few readers I have.

My hair is supposed to be curly. Really curly. Really cute curly.

Now..... it is disgustingly fluffy and straight.

HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN?!?!?!?!

What I keep telling myself:

And something to try and make me forget about how embarrassing the grad will be. Ah, it makes me laugh even now.

Pictures from we heart it. My new crush.

Another day.

2009-11-07T18:14:00.010-08:00

So somewhere in the last month or so I have completely misplaced my entire brain. Last Sunday I thought I was rostered on to play piano at Church so I turned up early only to find that no, I'm not. And the exact same happened today. Things like this are happening so much to me lately. It's really embarrassing. But it turned out ok because I got an extra hour to work on my drawing of my very best friend which I decided to post. It doesn't look quite like him but still, it's a start.

And then, I came home and found this amazing bracelet sitting in my drawer all alone. I can't even remember buying it (I'm not completely sure I did...) but I decided it is now mine. It found me and I love it.

Happy things.

2009-11-05T22:35:00.000-08:00

Balloons. Picture books by Joseph Pintauro. Drawings in an old journal. Complete love.

Days like this should come more often.

Busy busy.

2009-11-05T16:24:00.001-08:00

So this morning I have already been so so busy working on logos and feeding babies and tidying and ugh everything. I can't wait for my holiday. Only 17 more days!!! YAY!!! So here are the logos I have come up with... Personally I love the second one but I'm pretty sure it'll be the first one. Which do you like better?

On a completely different note, I'm reading Ephesians at the moment and quite loving it. How beautiful is this..

"Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that" -Ephesians 5:2

I have been thinking a lot about love lately and realised I really do need to change the way I love. Mostly I think of myself first but I don't want to do that anymore, that's not what Jesus did. He always put others first and lived to love them unconditionally. Imagine a world where everyone was like that? It would be breath taking.

Pictures.

2009-11-04T14:18:00.000-08:00

The Fragility of Innocence

2009-11-03T00:53:00.011-08:00

Here are some photos of my art major project. I do believe I suffer slight insomnia and as I could find nothing better to blog about I decided to put these up. Enjoy...

Mistakes.

2009-11-02T20:17:00.000-08:00

"It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he placed us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah." -Ephesians 2:1-6

I need to stop justifying my mistakes and accept them as what they are. Justification only leads to more mistakes, over and over again, justified over and over again. But if I acknowledge I have slipped up, then I can learn and leave it behind, never to return again.

Justification will never lead to full life, only an allusion that everything is ok.

Adoration

2009-11-02T14:01:00.002-08:00

Some things I completely love...

A boy who will happily let you watch a chick flick
Warm, noisy rain
Baby giggles
The excitement of planning road trips
Closing my eyes and listening to the birds, smelling the fresh cut grass and feeling the cool breeze against my face.

Love

2009-11-02T02:40:00.000-08:00

I just completely fell in love with the work of Alberto Cerriteno. It is absolutely amazing. I am so inspired to find a new sketchbook and make time to start drawing again. One last thought before it's off to bed...

"To love is to be vulnerable" -C.S.Lewis

Something I really need at times. Like now.

Goodnight.

Moments...

2009-11-01T23:47:00.000-08:00

If we don't learn to live fully in the moment much of life passes us by. That is why we must be all there. When we capture the moment we are in, we are fully alive.

A brand new day

2009-10-31T20:14:00.000-07:00

First posts on blogs tend to be cheesy and slightly awkward which I really dislike, so to get rid of the awkwardness I shall just fill up the post with pretty pictures.