A month of firsts...

This past month has been so huge and it isn't even over yet. I got my first job, my first bank account, my first pay slip, my license, drove on my own for the first time, bought alcohol for the first time, got asked for ID for the first time, tomorrow I'm driving to work and having to find a park for the first time.....etc. I just need a nice long sleep.

My birthday yesterday was so special. I loved having my friends and Rhys there, it was truly so much fun. AND..... I GOT A TYPEWRITER!!!! A BRIGHT YELLOW ONE!!!! I'm so happy! Now all I need is beautiful new shoes, like the gorgeous ones in the photo *sigh*

Today I had to say goodbye to Rhys. And like the pathetic child I am I bawled my eyes out in front of everyone. So gross. But necessary. After that I went to Night Church and now I feel a lot better, I'm not even sure when I started to feel happy instead of miserable, but I really am thanking God for helping me. I feel as though I can live without Rhys for a while now, because of God. I still miss him but its bearable now.

God also helped me in my driving test. I wasn't nervous at all as soon as I started driving. I am truly blessed.

And happy birthday for yesterday also to Danica from A Sight To Be Seen. I hope your day was as lovely as mine.

Fears.

I am scared that you'll die before me and I'll be left alone to daydream that you didn't die and are just out to buy some bread only to discover the truth and cry myself to sleep each night.

I got a second job and have been too tired to think. Life is getting crazy. There are a lot of things I could do without. Like distance. And driving tests. Hope you are all lovely x.

Slipping Away

Sorry for the lack of posts, life has all of a sudden taken off and left me in a cloud of tiredness and confusion. I have been editing, filming, photographing, chucking tantrums at the computer, driving to town, applying for jobs, ringing other people about jobs, so on..... but still, that is no excuse :)

I love my blog and my beautiful readers so I am going to make time for blogging from now on. Lately I have been thinking a lot about love and God and where He and I are both at together. I am convinced that God is removing the people and things in my life that I used to turn to in order to feel loved. They are slowly slipping away from me, hence the pit of loneliness I was a few days back. But thanks to the lovely comments, a song, and some soul searching I have realised maybe it is ok. It is ok to be vulnerable and feel alone. It is ok to have nothing. Only then can God be my everything.

And besides all the deep and meaningful things that have been going on in my life lately... I was praying with my little sister one night before bed and at the end of prayer I say "we love you..." and she says "God", "we love you...", "Jesus", "and we love you...", "Holy Spirit". Only this time I listened to what she said and realised she had been saying "Holy Ferret" this whole time :)

You Won't Relent

You won't relent until you, have it all

My heart is Yours

I'll set you as a seal, upon my heart

As a seal upon my arm

For there is love, that is as strong as death

Jealousy demanding as the grave

And many waters, cannot quench this love

Come be the fire inside of me

Come be the flame upon my heart

Come be the fire inside of me

Until You and I are one

I don't want to talk about You

Like You're not in the room

I want to look right at You

I want to sing right to You

Confessions...

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I've been trying to pull my life together and failing quit miserably. This post may be a little depressive so feel free to skip to the pretty pictures from weheartit.

So firstly, I've decided to stop the "everyday for a year" thing. Maybe another year I shall do it but this year it's just not working. I feel I'm putting off blogging because I haven't drawn or photographed anything and then I miss out on writing my thoughts and what is bothering me on here and end up bottling it all up in a confused mess inside of me.

Secondly, I'm tragically lonely. I have never felt this completely alone in my life. My best friend moved away. My other friends have left or are out of contact with me. People who I thought I could count on this year, who I thought were friends seem less like friends each passing second. I went to Youth Group two nights ago and I spoke to more people than I have ever spoken to before. I am a strangely shy person but I decided that it simply would not do to sit alone and mope so I walked around talking to various people, and in the end...I went home and cried from loneliness.

Thirdly, if it is not too much to ask, can you please pray for me? I have been reading C. S. Lewis and have discovered I am protecting the temporal things in my life, worldly baggage to which I am too attached to willingly let go. And this protecting, this attachment, is causing me to hide from God, dabble in Him here and there, but not dive headfirst into Him. I fear He will ask me to let go of all this stuff, to do something I don't want to.

I think that right now, God wants me to be lonely so I can lean on Him. If that makes sense...

I'm just scared. And procrastinating in hopes that another option will appear.